The shop owner offered me a cup of coffee and asked, “How do you take it?”
“Black, no sugar” I replied.
The woman next to me, who was picking up her car, asked a technician, “Why does this cost so much?” He replied, “You’ve got to understand. This is a sophisticated machine with many moving parts. It’s not just some simple repair.”
His tone was indignant, as if he had been insulted. You could see the woman become more tense.
My impression had been that she was simply asking for an explanation. That’s how I “took it.” His impression was that she was challenging his integrity. And he made things worse by the tone of his response.
When customers challenge your charges, question your way of handling things or express concern about prices, how do you take it? Do you assume they are implying that you are dishonest, not skilled, or trying to gouge them?
If so, then you will naturally become defensive.
The variable here isn’t what they say or ask. It is how you choose to take it.
In every encounter we assume something. Either they are friend or foe, helper or hindrance, partner or problem. It is instinctive for most people. They don’t stop to consider how they are interpreting things; they just interpret them.
But you and I are professionals. We do this for a living. It is incumbent upon us to be intentional about how we communicate and be aware of how we think.
The most productive and pleasing way to operate is optimistically. Assume good intentions on the part of other people until they show you conclusive evidence of bad intentions.
Here is a statement from an article called “Man Against Nature” written by a scientific philosopher whose name I don’t recall.
View Toward Work #1
“All work represents a fight against something, an attack upon the environment.
A farmer plows the earth, he harrows it, tears it, pulverizes it.
He pulls out weeds, poisons insects & fights against droughts and floods.
To be sure, all this is done in order to create something. That’s why we call it work and not rage.”
View Toward Work #2
“All work represents a service to something, the rearrangement and empowerment of the environment.
A farmer loosens the earth, aerates it, irrigates it, adds nutrients, cleanses it of insects and weeds and protects it from drought and flood.
All of this is done to enable the earth to foster growth.”
This positions life as a struggle against the world and nature – others. With this point of view, one is naturally going to be defensive and aggressive. It may be a true statement, but it is stated in such a way that it steeps the reader in pessimism.
When I read that many years ago, it bothered me so much that I rewrote it from a completely opposite point of view. I took it differently. See what you think of my more optimistic version.
Both statements are totally accurate. But notice the way they make you feel. When coming from a more positive point of view we not only see things differently, but we also feel different. This keeps the doors open for more communication and avoids the shutdowns from a pessimistic view.
Inevitably, when I bring up “Optimism” vs “Pessimism,” somebody says, “I’m not an Optimist, nor a Pessimist; I am a Realist.” They think that by seeing the current situation and reviewing the past they’ll come to a more reasonable conclusion. But there’s a problem with this.
Realists are NEVER optimistic. They are always focused on the limitations and the current situation. Not on the opportunities or possibilities. So, Realists are just Pessimists who won’t admit it.
The only healthy way to see the world is optimistically. See the reality, acknowledge the limitations, but keep going in search of the next breakthrough, better outcome, or bigger possibility. Be optimistically realistic and life will be more enjoyable, and you will be more successful.
Life is, to a large extent, a reflection of How You Take It.
